Better Judgment
by Unedited Creativity
Summary: Pavel Chekov always prided himself on his sense and discipline but he loved Irina in spite of it. She brought out his senseless side but his better judgment won't let him be with her. Thus goes their unending cycle of love, lust, and pain. Chekov/Irina
1. Chapter I: The Unending Cycle

**Better Judgment**

_Notes_: This is my first Star Trek fan fiction although I have written stories for other things. I recently began re-watching the entire Original Series after seeing the new movie. I had watched it before because my mother was a fan thanks to watching it as a kid with my grandfather. Well, be that as it may, this is a story about Ensign Pavel Chekov and Irina Galliulin. You might remember her from the episode "The Way to Eden". I grew to really like them but she was sadly a onetime character like a lot of love interests on that show. Well, enjoy this. Next chapter will be up soon although I'll be moving soon to start college so that may slow down later chapters. We'll see.

**Chapter I: The Unending Cycle**

He faced her, nervous and uncertain; his valuable shore leave time being spent in heart wrenching anxiety. She stood holding his hands all smiles. Their last meeting was nothing close to perfect but the feeling of their lips meeting had never left his mind completely. His eyes wandered down in fear, staring nervously at her burn scarred feet. After what seemed an eternity of awkward silence she spoke.

"Pavel, it's okay now." One hand gently raised his head up by the chin while the other still passively gripped his. He never thought his going home for a month would be anything so difficult. He was looking forward to dinner with his parents, walks about town, playing in the snow, and wearing his favorite heavy coat. But not but a day after his homecoming she showed up at his door in all her beauty and majesty. What was he to do? He was caught in her web as they stood in the den awkwardly reconnecting. She had the tools to enchant him: her beautiful face, curvaceous body, playful disposition, and melodious way of talking. She made him hate himself. He had always been so proud of his rigid self-control and level headed decision making yet he loved something so much his opposite. He felt as if she was a part of him that needed to be denied. She brought forth his id. Pavel hated that side that wanted to be careless, lustful, greedy, and undisciplined. Yet she always brought forth cruel temptation to become that Pavel. Irina made him so fraught with inner conflict he could hardly stand it. Then again at the same time she was his drug. She made him feel so bad in some ways but the other feelings she elicited always made him come crawling back. He would grovel at her feet if she wanted it.

Quaking unskillful hands gripped her arms, pulling her closer to him. He begged himself to stop, to turn away from this bad decision but he couldn't. He kissed her, arms wrapping around her to press her closer. The Pavel who was normally locked deep inside had begun to surface as it always did with Irina. She tormented him. She used him when she was on the Enterprise, making him jeopardize the job he worked so hard for. She was a cruel puppeteer but she didn't mind. Her disposition allowed her to do whatever she wanted and feel no pain unlike him.

"Leave Star Fleet, Pavel. Stay here with me. We can find peace and happiness together. I know we can. Believe me…" He found himself drunk on her affection, half-believing her against his better judgment. He began to think that if he quit Star Fleet he could open that bar he had always wanted to. Share his favorite drink of vodka with so many different people and live with Irina in happiness at last. Soon, however, his sense began to reappear and he pulled away from her and looked away. He could never leave Star Fleet. He had worked so hard to be stationed on the starship Enterprise. To leave Star Fleet would be to abandon his sensible self and everything he had worked for at the academy. She grabbed on to his arm and pleaded for him to stay with her, to at the least get a desk job in the Russian division of Star Fleet's Earth department. She relented when he turned to look at her. His expression alone was enough to convey his apologies and conviction to his duty.

"There is nothing to be done. I love you, Irina, but my responsibilities trump my feelings." His words were like a knife to her heart. She fell to her knees and hugged him about the legs burying her face into them to cry. He placed his right hand atop her head, stroking her silken locks. It pained him to see her in such agony but in a way he felt almost pleased to know that she was beginning to understand what he felt every time they met. After a moment he whispered, "In spite of it though, will you allow me one more night to be true to my heart?"

The next morning he awoke alone. She had left in the middle of the night leaving behind a note that read "We shall meet again. – Love – Irina". He didn't want to get out of bed. He felt almost regretful that he had let his good judgment over take his love. Eventually though he dragged himself from his blankets and took a shower. The hot water and soap stung the scratches she had left on his back but he found this to be a positive. The physical pain would remind him of the emotional pain she had caused him. He leaned his head on the tiled wall below the shower head in disappointment. He knew that not even the greatest physical pain the world would stop him from crawling back to her. Next time they met the cycle would repeat. He'd give in for a moment but his discipline would never allow him to be irresponsible enough to be with her. This is how it would always be between them. He knew that she would never marry him if he stayed in Star Fleet. Her free spirited ways would never allow it. Irina didn't want to be a Star Fleet widow like so many other young women. He either had to stay with her or continue this painful cycle. His sense made him choose the latter.

The rest of his leave was spent in agonizing distraction. He couldn't relax or enjoy himself. Every time he tried to converse with someone his thoughts would wander off in another direction. His father attributed this to missing space but his mother knew better. She knew about her son's troubling romance with Irina Galliulin and saw the scratches that covered his back while he was changing shirts. She told him time and time again to find another girl, someone who suited his proper sensibilities. Alas, her words never got anywhere with him. He smiled and nodded but always knew he was stuck in this rut. His body and mind desired one person who sadly appealed to his hidden self. No matter how many pleasant young women his mother attempted to thrust upon him it never seemed to make any difference. He had experienced nearly every kind of woman during his employment on the Enterprise and none ever seemed to even come close to Irina and her hold on him. Larisa didn't want to believe her son was completely lost in that woman's spell but it was so. Andrei was fortunate in is ignorance of the complicated situation.

The relief he felt stepping aboard the Enterprise was great. Leaving Russia was his chance to begin attempting to disconnect from the strangle hold she had on him during his entire stay. He knew he could never fully shake her off but at least he'd be doing something for the side that found her unpalatable. Even the captain was surprised at the enthusiasm Chekov had at resuming his post at navigation. Mr. Scott assured the captain that the lad had simply missed the glorious starship but Kirk could tell there was more to it. He was fairly experienced in difficult romances and saw an expression on Ensign Chekov's face that was all too familiar to him. He opted not to pry though. His experience told him it'd just cause Chekov more problems to enquire about it and he had a fairly good idea of who it was any way.

End of Chapter One -


	2. Chapter II: Unprincipiled Choices

**Better Judgment**

_Notes_: I noticed something funny about my last chapter notes. I made the same grammatical error that Kirk does during the show's opening. I made a split infinitive. Whoops! Oh well. I'm listening to music that definitely suits how I'm portraying this couple in the story so writing this should be much easier. I wrote the first chapter in just a few hours and reread it a couple of times to make sure I didn't make any major grammatical or spelling errors. Plus I like to check for over used words or odd sentence structure. It makes a story better to be careful about those things. Rating may change depending on situation but I assure you no graphic sex scenes. I find that stuff to be nothing but self-gratification of the part of the author. The following chapter has a bit of a tongue in cheek reference to the corny and campy situations that took place in many episodes.

**Chapter II: Unprincipled Choices**

Boredom had over taken him during a long patrol. He wasn't allowed to leave his post but there wasn't much for him to do other than to watch the monitors. It was dreadfully dull. Sulu was distracting himself with a strategically hidden novel which Pavel would occasionally allow himself to steal glances at. It was a poorly written story about pirates and such which wasn't much more interesting to Pavel than the monitors. Sulu looked absolutely absorbed by it though as if he wished he could be sailing the seas of ancient times himself. The captain had taken to pacing around restlessly. Pavel had watched him with amusement as the captain twitched about in his chair for a long while. He would cross his legs, uncross them, rest his head on his arm, tap his foot, and cross his legs again. It was an unusual pattern that Pavel had seen the captain perform in the past when there was nothing to do. In fact, Pavel had observed unusual behaviors in everyone on the deck when they were stuck on a dull patrol. Uhura would tap her long nails on the board in various rhythms while Spock would begin to lightly scratch at his own fingers. Watching the others was his habit when things were slow. His eyes would scan across the room and quickly bolt back to his monitor when Kirk would look his way.

Soon his thoughts wandered off. He began to think about his academy days. He was an over enthusiastic and somewhat clumsy young cadet. He was repeatedly reprimanded for running in the halls and frequently ran into things in his energetic haste. Yet no one ever doubted his brilliance. His skill at mathematic computation was second to none. He once even corrected an instructor on a complex calculus problem. For all his enthusiasm though he was never lacking self control, sense, or discipline. Everything he did was done with great care and thought beforehand.

His looks and energy attracted the attention of many young women but the only one he ever took a liking to was Irina. She was beautiful, well spoken, intelligent, and on her way to being a science officer. She was going to be his wife and work on the same starship as him. At least that's what he wanted any way. She was tainted with great impertinence and free spirited defiance. She was too strong willed for Star Fleet and quit without telling him. He looked for her but never found her. A great emotional storm washed over him. She had made him her fool with her games. He sat on the steps of the main academy building with an outward appearance of intense fury and frustration. Inside, however, the anger was tempered with sadness and feeling of betrayal. They were different to be sure but they had told one another that they were in love. He was sure their differences were surmountable but her quick abandonment seemed to suggest she thought otherwise. He soon chose to ignore his feelings with work. He blocked out his hurt and anger by becoming the greatest navigational student to ever graduate from the academy. Yet she was never completely gone from his thoughts. That was impossible.

Soon he was snapped out of his reflections by an alert from his monitor. A klingon battle cruiser was getting uncomfortably close to the Enterprise. Kirk pretended to be worried but was obviously pleased at the prospect of something interesting happening. What followed was an exchange of empty threats on the part of both parties. Pavel was intrigued by the idea of a combat situation. Most of the time when something exciting happened it was some weird event on a planet. More than once did they end up being mind controlled, time travelling, or warping to another dimension. It was starting to become a little asinine in his opinion. A real combat situation sounded more thrilling than another case of alien seduction or meeting more evil versions of the crew.

Soon Kirk's threats gained some honesty as the klingons were set upon not leaving the Federation territory. He sent a few warning shots, telling the klingon commander there were more to come if he didn't take heed and leave. Once again, the enemy commander scoffed at the Enterprise crew saying they didn't have the courage to make a true attack. The klingons over stayed their time limit and soon combat commenced. It was a violent battle. The Enterprise quaked so much at every blow it received from the klingon battleship that Pavel had to abandon his chair to avoid toppling over with it. The thrill of battle was great. The adrenaline was flowing and his two sides joined together in perfect harmony. His sense of duty was fully supported by his desire for thrill and excitement. Every command Kirk threw at him he performed with great speed and accuracy.

After hours the klingons gave in and fled the area. The Enterprise was victorious but not unscathed. The ship and many of its personnel were badly injured, including Pavel. During one of the final barrages he fell forward hitting his head on the panel and falling unconscious. When he woke he saw a bright light and the concerned face of McCoy.

"Good. You're awake. Nurse, go call the captain please." McCoy looked pleased to see him awake but grew concerned when no verbal answer was given. "Aren't ya going to say something? Even a thank you?" His words were met with a dull eyed stare. The doctor backed away, shaking his head and muttering how he didn't like the looks of this. Pavel simply rolled his head to the side, the pain on his forehead immense. He couldn't remember what had happened that day or the day before it. It was frightening. When the captain came in he sat up on his elbows and gave him a pathetic look.

"He doesn't look good, Bones. Something's… not right about him." The captain's remark was met by a hardy shake of the head by the doctor. Pavel glanced around him, trying to remember anything that had happened that day. Nothing came to mind. His last memory was stepping aboard the Enterprise after a difficult month of leave. After that is all a blank.

"What… am I going to do?" Pavel's words surprised McCoy who was certain that the Russian navigator's ability to speak was damaged. Kirk gave a pleased smile and affirming nod with an enquiry of how he was feeling. Pavel gave him a long dull eyed stare before replying with a weak "yeah" and passing out. McCoy rushed to his side to make sure all his vital signs were normal. The doctor was pleased to see there was no severe change but knew he could not allow him to return to the deck, even if the captain wished it.

"I'm going to keep him here for a while, Jim. The blow to his head seems to be taking its toll. He lost a lot of blood and sustained some severe head trauma." McCoy gave Kirk a good long look, as if to dare him to say a word against it. The captain hesitated a moment then nodded and left. McCoy gave Pavel another examination before sending him to a ward to recover. Before heading to his room for some much deserved rest he said to the unconscious Pavel, "You better be OK or I'll never forgive you, you son of a bitch."

Hours later Pavel awoke again in a bed with an IV of pain medication to help with his head. He sat up in the dark and cursed to himself of his luck. The glow of his and the other patients' monitors was the only light in the room. The other patients varied in severity of injury. One woman had a broken leg; a science officer had a similar injury to Pavel's, while a young looking medical assistant had several nasty bumps and bruises all over his body. Some of the nurses who were checking the monitors and pumps had injuries of their own but chose to work rather than lay in bed. Pavel would have left himself if it hadn't been for the IV in his right arm. He could easily rip it out but didn't want to suffer through a large bruise. Instead he opted to ask a nurse to fetch McCoy.

After half an hour an obviously tired and irritable McCoy showed up, his uniform hastily put on and hair a mess. He shot Pavel a glare and asked him what he wanted. To return to his station was what Pavel wanted but the request was shot down before he even finished it.

"Absolutely out of the question, Chekov! Do you know how bad you hit your head? No, of course you don't! You could hardly speak earlier! If I allowed you to return to your post I wouldn't be doing my job properly, understand?" The doctor was even more aggressive than usual. Pavel was not put off however. McCoy gave an irritated growl when he said he had another request. "What is it? I won't allow you to leave sick bay! You're not goin' anywhere!" Pavel looked down and mumbled his request.

"Irina. I want to see Irina."

End of Chapter 2 -


	3. Chapter III: Pavel The Fugitive

**Better Judgment**

_Notes_: I'm going to admit it. I needed to include Bones in this story simply because I love him. DeForest Kelley was such a gorgeous man and Karl Urban did him justice in the film. I tried to portray him as accurately as possible seeing as he'll be making a fair number of appearances in this story. Kirk will be too but he's a little easier to characterize. I'm nervous to include any large amounts of Spock since writing for him is a little tough. A lot of fan fiction authors don't portray him properly in my opinion and I think keeping characters in character is very important. I'm trying to be careful with Chekov but he actually doesn't have too many major or noticeable character traits in Star Trek. The episode with Irina states he is self controlled and sensible so I ran with that. Most of what he does is work or make comments about Russia which doesn't say too much of how he is or how he reacts to things. Irina's one appearance was solely about her free spirited personality clashing with Chekov's sensibilities so characterizing her is part paying heed to the episode and part winging it. Winging it may sound easy but I don't want to stray too far off the beaten path. Well here's chapter 3!

**Chapter III: Pavel the Fugitive**

McCoy paced in his room nervously. Should he call up Jim to request that Chekov's wish be fulfilled or ignore it? His biggest concern was how Jim would react to it. He might be pleased to help out Ensign Chekov or he might flat out deny the request as a waste of time and effort. He didn't want to disappoint Chekov but this was Jim's ship and McCoy could only challenge Jim so many times. If there was one thing Jim was severe about it was his power as captain of the Enterprise. He considered asking Spock's opinion but thought better of it. Eventually he found the courage to knock on Jim's door.

After a few minutes an obviously tired but fairly alert Jim emerged from the room in his sleeping clothes. He groggily asked what Bones wanted and was met with a reluctant clearing of the throat.

"Well… Jim, you see Chekov, he… Well he asked for something. I was ready to say no but… well, I felt it was more your place to decide what to do." Jim's face switched from tired interest to irritation due to Bones' vague reply. He coaxed him to continue as he leaned against the wall to support his tired body. "Jim, he wants to see that girl! That dark haired girl who came here with Dr. Sevrn!" The alarmed look that Bones wore spread to Jim who bit his lip as he considered his options. Bones gave Jim a look pleading him to agree to help Chekov and with a sigh of reluctance the captain said it was alright. Bones smiled warmly and told a passing security officer to go to the ward and inform Ensign Chekov of the good news.

Pavel smiled once he heard. He felt it'd do him some good to see her. He had forgotten so many things with his injury but all the times they shared were still there. Their youthful romance during their days at the academy, her time aboard the Enterprise, and the night they made love during his leave were all still engrained into his mind. Every moment they shared still lived within him. This time he was not going to let her go! They were going to get married right there on the Enterprise even if it had to be in the medical ward with an IV in his arm! He knew she wouldn't want it in fear of being a Star Fleet widow but it wouldn't be that way. He'd barter with Captain Kirk to let her stay! He didn't care what he had to do, even if he had to go ten years without another chance for leave. He felt his strength returning at the heat of his conviction. His enthusiasm wore him to want to leave the ward. In spite of the nurses attempts to restrain him he ripped out his IV, gauzed his arm, dressed, and ran out. However a nurse alerted McCoy and Pavel bumped into an angry doctor as he ran down the hall to his room.

"And just where are you going…?" McCoy was obviously ready to drag him back kicking and screaming to the ward.

"I'll be fine in my room, doctor! Honestly!" Pavel pleaded with him with a cheeky smile. He soon regretted his hasty exit as his head began to throb and his IV spot began to bleed out from under the gauze he had taped on. McCoy glared with crossed arms and a tapping foot. After a moment of Pavel smiling up at him McCoy pulled out his phaser and set it to stun. "Doctor… what are you doing?"

"It's for your own good, Chekov." As he was about to aim Pavel scrambled to his feet and ran for it. "Son of a…!" McCoy let out an angry grunt and pursued with help of medical assistants. Pavel took the lift to the fourth level, running as fast as he could. Unfortunately his head wound and bleeding began to get the best of him. He fell into a lounge dizzy and out of breath. It seemed like no medical officers had come to the fourth floor and he was able to sit comfortably at last. Grabbing a handful of napkins he put pressure on his arm to stop the bleeding. He was so tired, dizzy, and his head ached. He didn't want to stay in that ward. He hated hospitals and that ward was basically the same thing. It smelled of disinfectant, a scent he hated with a great passion. He soon realized, however, that his decision to defy the doctor could hurt his chances at seeing Irina again. He cursed his fear of hospitals.

About twenty minutes later McCoy found Pavel with his head down on the table. He was relieved to find him sleeping rather than unconscious and with the help of a medical assistant carried him to his room. In fear of another run he opted to have a nurse give him shots of pain medication whenever he needed it rather than admit him into the ward with another IV. He couldn't risk Chekov exerting himself with such an injury. He stood and observed Chekov as he slept only looking up when Kirk entered. Kirk was visibly annoyed from all of the ruckus but was glad to see the injured Chekov resting rather than running around.

"We'll begin looking for Miss Galliulin when the next shift starts. I'll ask Ensign Chekov to tell us about where he had last seen her and have Lieutenant Uhura look into her whereabouts. Bones, you're a good man… although I wouldn't advise chasing patients with a phaser in the future." He chuckled as Bones gave a dismissive huff. They exited, relieved to have Pavel sleeping peacefully and dreaming of his beloved Irina. The smile he wore was something similar to a sleeping child on Christmas Eve.

End of Chapter III -


End file.
